By Kovie —

gradwaiting 🎓

gradwaiting 🎓
2025 Animo Christmas lights

The photo I posted above was my last campus photo for 2025, but I realized this is my LAST photo of my college journey.

Not gonna lie, I was sad at that moment. I knew eventually I will reach this time where my journey ends but I wanted something different, I wish that my last day ended different. But no, you really can’t have everything you wished for.

What did I expect? One last group photo with the whole friend group or the people I love the most. The people who stuck by me despite my shortcomings or imperfections. Have a group dinner somewhere and share some good times we had in the last 4 years. But yeah, the reality sucks. People are now busy with their own lives now.

My greatest fear

So what’s next after college? To be honest, I don’t really know. I kept shrugging it off and let my “future self” handle this type of situation and haha I kind of regretted it. Until now, I just succumb myself to doomscrolling reels or TikTok videos, which fucking sucks! I have now all the time I have to do something I love or passionate about.

But the thing is, I don't know. I am so lost right now, I convince myself at times that I would do these stuff that I “love” but I keep holding myself back. I told myself that I would love to learn the piano and do piano covers. Well nice! I have the time now but WHY AM I HOLDING MYSELF BACK? Is it a me problem? I have literally the time to experiment and find out what I love, but yeah I hate that I am holding myself back. So ba’t ko nga ito ginagawa?? Ang kulit ba.

Especially the job market is kind of bad right now, I get this sense of survival that I have to apply now or start searching for a job or internship, hoping to get absored just to fulfill my sense of security. But if I do that, what about myself? The things I want to do? Should I put it aside for some job security?

There is a lot to process here. I just finished college weeks ago, and I keep thinking about this everyday to the point I drown myself or refraining myself to experiment and find out what hobbies or career I want in my life.

This is so hard man, is there some sort of manual for this? I need help. 😭