did i make the right decision?

This title draft was made on the 20th of March, and I wanted to write something about it, but at the time, I could not bring myself to do so. Fast forward to now, in May, and I am still not sure if I made the right decision. Maybe I will find out by the end of this writing.

Context, or probably a history already

Last March 19, I carefully decided to cut contact with her so that I could properly move on. With her love life progressing, I could not bring myself to hear about the happenings in her romantic life, as I still have feelings for her. It never really subsided or went away at all.

She was a childhood classmate, or friend, of mine since our nursery school days. We barely interacted; I just knew her from afar. Maybe we worked on some group projects together, but honestly, my elementary journey is just a blur. We had a few encounters where I got annoyed at her for laughing too much or out of nowhere, and that was probably during middle school when I was seated two seats away from her. From that standpoint, I knew that I hated her for it, and I kept nagging her to stop laughing, so we were probably not on good terms. I do not know.

Moving forward to junior high, I liked someone in her friend circle, who was Aby. So Ishi (revealing her name now) became my go-to person whenever I needed advice on what I could do about my situation with Aby because I was really “torpe” at that time, and I wanted everything to stay lowkey. Basically, our friendship grew because Ishi was trying to help me get along with her, but you know, I was stubborn, and I failed. I remember the times when Ishi tried to resolve conflicts between me and Aby, where she baited me into going to the school field and having a one-on-one confrontation with my crush. Not gonna lie, I was mad at her at that time HAHA, but it worked out in the end when Aby and I were able to clear up our misunderstandings.

I guess one of the core memories from my junior high days was when Aby, Ishi, and I were able to hang out in a hotel because my brother had a prom event. Basically, we swam, ate dinner, and watched some TV shows in my room at that time. At the end of it all, we had a photo taken together using Aby’s Instax.

As you can see in the photo, Ishi was doing her thing, attempting to take a photo of both Aby and me. I really appreciated her efforts.

So why did I mention some of these flashbacks? I guess they were some of my core memories with her at that time, and I really appreciated her efforts as a friend and as a wingwoman HAHA.

After our junior high days, we still somewhat kept in touch. The trio would meet up from time to time since our senior high campus was in Makati, so in total, we had two hangouts and tried to stay connected with each other.

College era

I was under the impression that no one from our ICA batch was interested in going into the College of Computer Studies (CCS), like literally no one at all. Then, out of nowhere, Ishi became a student in Information Systems. I was really surprised WAHAHAHHAA. Like why? Bakit? That was when I realized that I did not know much about her, and I just felt happy as well that I had a friend from ICA, my nursery to junior high school classmate, whom I could still connect with.

Sooo yeah, because of that, we stayed in touch... but mostly whenever she needed help with programming stuff. At first, I did not mind at all, but I did reach a point where I got annoyed. Still, I helped her regardless, because why not? She is my friend, and she needs help. But of course, we also talked about some personal stuff, though not to a full extent. It was mostly full of kwentos about what happened during junior high, but in more depth. We even had our first Animo Christmas together.

Year of 2023

So, in May 2023, during the UAAP Volleyball Finals, Rafa, Jalen, Ishi, and I watched the last game together, which was where it all started. I became attracted to her because she cut her hair short, HAHA. Apparently, that was when I found out one of my types. At that time, I told no one because I thought it might just be a temporary feeling, and I was not really sure.

But in July 2023, during Animusika, I found myself more attracted to Ishi than to my "date" at that time. I knew because, at the end of Animusika, when I drove and dropped her off at Glorietta, that was where it all sparked, and I had an "oh sh*t" moment when she left the car. I was like, do I like her now? Totoo ba talaga nararamdaman ko? I was confused, but all I knew was that Ishi was the moment that night. But of course, torpe ako, so I did not make a move at all. I decided that we should remain friends.

The Confession

Well, all of a sudden, on one drunken night last August 2024, I decided to confess via text message because I just wanted to, and I had nothing to lose. Then, I received a rejection message. It was a thoughtful one, and I already expected it. I was ready to have no contact with her after that.

But after a few weeks, she had the guts to chat with me again, talking about academic stuff as if nothing had happened, and I was okay with that. I just put my feelings aside and conversed with her as if nothing had happened, and that went on and on, where everything seemed to return to regular programming.

Confused, or pretending to be one

Moments passed where Ishi and I had on-and-off conversations on Messenger. I mean, she has always been that way. Though sometimes I questioned myself if my feelings for her were already gone and if I was truly happy with the situation we had. I kept telling myself that if she asked for help again, I would not entertain her anymore. But hehe, I gave in at times and still did my best to help her with some of her academic inquiries, and that was how things had been ever since.

But when academic requirements started to subside and I had more time to hang out or talk with her a bit more, that was when I knew my feelings were still there, though I was really in denial. I cannot change the fact that whenever I am with her, I feel at peace, and I can talk to her about anything.

I was testing the waters last December 2025, wondering whether I should finally make a move. I tried to have as many hangouts with her as possible and, of course, preferably solo ones so that I could properly assess if I was 100% certain. And I was. I genuinely enjoyed my time with her. Of course, I was awkward at times, but lol, not all the time. I was just really nervous. We even had a good talk after the Men's UAAP Finals game.

So by the end of December, I knew that someday, I would want to properly court her. But I was really hesitant because of that rejection back in 2024. She only saw me as a friend. Part of me still wanted to pursue her, but another part of me wanted to respect her decision. So over the past few months, I found myself fighting over which path I should choose.

The Decision

In early March 2026, a friend of mine asked me if Ishi was single. I was surprised, but it made me think about how I should respond. Should I tell the guy to back off? Should I just tell the truth and say yes, she is single? If I told the guy to back off and prevented him from making a move, would I even make a move anytime soon? I kept telling myself that I would pursue her once I became a better version of myself, but I was not sure when that would be. So after thinking and thinking and thinking, I decided to tell the truth. Why should I hold that person back if I was not going to make a move yet?

Ishi did reach out to me and asked about this certain person because the guy immediately reached out to her. I told her that he was my friend because we had similar interests, and that was it. I thought their conversation would not go any further than that, so I was at peace.

But a week later, Ishi gave me an update in person. That was when I found out that they had already gone on their first date, so I guess Ishi entertained the idea or tried to step out of her comfort zone. I was surprised, but I was literally dying inside. I kept trying to ask for more details about what happened, but it seemed like they had a great time. I told her to give him a chance. You are new to this kind of field, so go out of your comfort zone more. As a friend, I felt like I had to give that kind of advice, but it literally hurt me to the point that I could not even finish half of my lunch.

I tried to cool down for a bit. Good thing she does not post that many updates online, but a few weeks later, they went on a second date. That was when I started thinking about cutting off contact with her. I could not bring myself to hear about their progression because I had already gone through the same thing back in 10th grade, when my crush would cry to me about the person she liked. I knew that kind of feeling, and I did not want to go through it again just because I was not transparent enough.

So I tried to think of ways on how I should break the news to her. I knew that I had to be honest about my feelings for her, and that was the main reason why I needed to cut off communication with her. I know it sounds harsh, but I thought it was the only way for me to properly move on.

What I came up with was sending her a voice message because I did not want any of my messages to be misread with a weird tone that could cause major misunderstandings. So, I recorded the voice memo and sent it to her on a Thursday night. She did not respond for a couple of days, but then she finally replied. She respected my decision, despite how much it hurt her to lose a friend.

Did I regret my decision?

Probably not, because I would probably be more hurt right now if I kept hearing about the progression of her love life with this guy. So at some point, I feel at peace not knowing what is happening. But not gonna lie, I miss talking to her and asking about what is going on in her life.

So, in terms of “have I moved on?” Not yet.

Hopefully soon.